I had a mini realization tonight as I reflected upon my day. I realized that my happiness really depends on the attitude I take. It may not seem so profound but rather more like words of common sense, which they are, but sometimes when you hear something over and over again, you may understand it intellectually but feeling it, with your whole heart and being and knowing actually what it means, may take actual experience.
Lately I have been feeling a bit off. I consider myself a very positive, energetic person and a very happy person. But lately, I am going to say for the last month and a half or so, I have been feeling, lets say, weird. I will describe to you this weird feeling: grumpy, insecure, sometimes sad, stressed, anxious, negative, needy=NOT MYSELF!! Being that Canada has long, dark winters I was simply blaming it on the winter time. Today this mood has come to its peak. I realized that it, even if they don’t see it, affecting others in my life. So I reflected upon it because I no longer want to be in this default position.
This whole mood comes down to a poor attitude beginning to develop. This is not who I am and this has got to stop. The antidote: Gratitude, love, courage, confidence, compassion, belief in myself.
In the past, and as I think it may be for a lot of different people, I would make a goal. I would be so pumped about this goal. I would dream about it and think about it and everything in my life would begin to run so smoothly. I would be so grateful for everything, my energy would be up and I would be genuinely excited for the future. I would treat people better, with more kindness and respect, I would be confident in who I was and I would feel fearless. Then…as I began to realize the challenge this goal entailed simply by opening a vortex through the actions I was taking, the end result always looked to big for me. I would give up when I barely began. I would begin to look at only the problems, complain about them and blame others for them. I would lose energy, worry constantly and finally give up! This time my goal is to get to France in mid-September. This is no small goal and when I first set it I was feeling ready and on top of the world (my usual self I would say) as described above. I have now opened this “France trip vortex” and I am seeing all of the challenges ahead, whether this be learning the language fluently, savings this money, getting these documents and balancing other parts of my life as well. I have lately been feeling defeated. Like the goal has already been lost and I have already failed. As the trip is getting closer, these challenges are seeming larger and my attitude is and has been many times in the past, “This is too big for me.”
Well readers! My attitude sucks!!! It sucks big time and I just realized this tonight! Who decides whether or not this challenge is too big to take on? I do. Who decides whether or not there are things to focus on that I am grateful about or whether I focus on the problems? I do. Every situation can be looked at in two ways. So I am going to choose this time! I am going to tap into my own power and choose to be the best me, not this sucky poor attitude Laura but confident, ready, positive, compassionate, loving, grateful Laura.
This is THE FIRST TIME in my life where I have chosen to continue with a positive attitude rather than let the negativity take over and give up! and I’m kind of proud of myself! Tonight I have given my second wind in the race and here is how I will choose to continue on with a positive attitude:
- If other’s are negative around me I can encourage them instead of fight back
- If I get overwhelmed by the money situation I can get grateful for how much I already have saved up and I can be creative in finding new ways to make money
- If I am bored I can go and get one of these documents filled out and ready to go
- I am choosing to be grateful for this opportunity rather than see it as a problem. Grateful that I can grow from it and learn from it and grateful that it is giving my life deep meaning
- Instead of worry I am changing it to eagerness and excitedness
- Instead of blame I will use compassion and understanding
- When I am feeling insecure I will choose to tell myself all the amazing qualities I possess
- When I am interacting with others I will remember who I am and that I only want to come from love and I’ll react and respond from that place instead of from a place of neediness
I want to achieve this goal, but what is the point of achieving a goal if you are not happy in the process? I will achieve this goal but I will also be happy in the process! It is my choice and it comes down to the attitude I choose to take on through this process. Now, for the second time, and even more amplified this time around, I can see a successful outcome and I am excited!