I have not been writing much lately because there have been so many things running through my mind over the past 3 weeks. The main thing is that I am here, in Canada, and my FBF is in London, England.
I miss him so much. I was “getting comfortable” in a routine and a lifestyle over the past few months and I am surprised to find myself so sad.
I am, by nature, an extremely energetic person. I love doing things and trying things and learning things but the distance gave me a side-effect of no energy.
All that is changing my friends. It is changing along with my perspective and my attitude. My perspective and attitude changing does seem to be an ongoing theme with this blog, so far.
I had to take a step back and ask what I am doing. Am I really going to spend the entire rest of the summer in a semi-lethargic state waiting to see my love again? And will that, and only that, bring me the peace I want? NO. That is ridiculous!
The change in perspective really shifted yesterday when two important things happened:
- I bought some cute pajamas for France and I bought my “getting off the airplane” outfit. What is interesting is when I was shopping for the outfit, I saw a friend/acquaintance who works nearby me who also went through a long-distance relationship. She gave me neat tips about what to bring for after the flight, so I can look and feel awesome for my big reunion! My excitement went from a 5 to a brilliant 10 in a day!!! I AM SO EXCITED TO GO!!! YAAAAY! I CANNOT WAIT!!!!. Another helpful thing is not giving myself permission to wear the clothes until France. The best part of buying new clothes is wearing them, but since I decided not to wear them every time I look at them I picture myself in France!
- I got soooo angry at my FBF for absolutely stupidest thing ever! I really realized afterward that this attitude has got to change! NOW! I do not want to negatively affect those I love with my negativity any longer.
So once again, after a 3-week slip, I am miss positive, energetic, happy Laura!
When I bought those things yesterday, I realized that this is my first step in getting ready to physically move. I have the visa and that was a huge step in itself but now I have to get practical. I am going to be busy, busy, busy the next couple of months. And still, this busy-ness is going to be nothing compared to having to find a job and an apartment in France when I arrive!
The angry situation was almost like the “wake-up” to all the negativity I have been producing lately. If I am moving to a different country there are a few essential qualities I need to develop, NOW! These would be strength and confidence. I cannot just wallow around and expect it all to be handed to me in life. My life is my own, individually and I need to take every opportunity to develop myself. This is my opportunity!
I am sure with this new-found busy-ness (I really realized I have so much to do) I hope that the stress of not being together with the love of my life will kindly take a back seat. I am hoping that before I know it I will be with him again thinking “that wasn’t too long!”
I am surprised to find myself reacting so intensely to such minor things in my relationship and not showing that compassion that I felt I once showed. I am glad that I saw this early enough as 3 weeks and I am hoping that being busy will give me an understanding as to how busy (or more busy) my boyfriend is. I am hoping I think before I react and really appreciate the efforts we are both putting in rather than asking for more (a little selfish when there is nothing we can do about the distance right now).
So all in all a big change! I have a new, exciting perspective on the summer ahead of me and a new attitude and appreciation towards my boyfriend and our current long-distance relationship!